Almost everyone I know dreams of publishing their own book. We all feel like we have something inside us that we can offer—whether it’s memories, experiences, desires, or fears—we want to share it with the world and hope to find readers who will appreciate our story. For me, it was no different. I am eager to share with the world secrets that, while visible, are still shrouded in a mysterious veil of ignorance. Despite the fragility of my story, I decided to share it with the courage it demanded.
For a long time, I thought about writing a book about the horrific experience I endured in Ireland, but this idea lingered in my mind for too long. It seemed like it would remain just a shadow of what I wanted. The book's first pages came to life unexpectedly after a painful experience that shook me to my core. I’ve always loved words and the way we can use them. We are the only creatures capable of this. Isn’t that fascinating? Playing with letters, crafting them into sentences, and always searching for new formulations that better capture what I want to say—it’s like a miracle. After the experience I had been processing for so long, I sat down at my keyboard and began to write. Pain, anger, and other deep emotions surged through me, cloaked in sarcasm. The blank pages started to fill with words, and I couldn’t stop.
I wanted to write something so breathtakingly honest that it would touch even the most hardened hearts. There are many books on this topic—some are grim, and others portray stories from the world of prostitution as if it were something normal and acceptable. But what is acceptable about trading freedom for money? What is normal about using a human body as if it were an object? I didn’t want to promote something I didn’t agree with, and writing my story without a hint of humour might have made it feel melancholic, perhaps even leading readers to put the book down. And so, “Elis” gradually came into being—an unconventional story from the mysterious world of the Irish underworld. I enriched the book with illustrations to help readers visualise the described situations and to support their emotions. It was necessary to infuse the text with both humour and mystery. Day and night, I wrote down everything as I remembered it. I worked hard on the book, shedding sweat and tears so I could one day hold my creation in my hands.
Since it is a memoir, the book is very personal to me and closely tied to my history and soul. In my mind, I replayed my experiences. The pleasant ones brought a smile to my lips, while the painful ones tightened my throat and cut through me like a knife. Writing this book was not just a creative task for me but also a therapeutic process. Like most naive aspiring authors, I thought that the process would end with the publication of the book, and I could move on to another one, but I was mistaken. The work on the book itself was challenging, but getting it published was even more difficult.
I contacted countless traditional publishers, but only a few responded positively. However, before signing any contract, I hesitated. I was expected to sell four years of my life—my suffering, life traumas, happiness, and hopes—for a mere fraction of the sales revenue. I couldn’t allow that. After much deliberation, I rejected the offers and “played Russian roulette” with myself. I chose to publish my book on my own, without help, without experience, but with the hope that I could manage it and that people, out of the countless books available, would choose mine. This task, however, is more challenging than it might appear at first glance.
I spent hours immersed in information from the internet, studying other authors' experiences, reading terms and conditions, and one evening, I decided to publish my book on Amazon. For an inexperienced author, this can be a daunting path. As I tried to bring my book to life through the KDP platform, I encountered a team from Amazon offering their assistance. They required payments for services that seemed essential, such as proofreading, formatting, marketing, creating an audiobook, building a website, and managing social media. Through their persuasive communication, I lost thousands of dollars on never-fulfilled promises.
It is sad to see how the phenomenon of fraudsters who try to profit from the honest work of others is spreading. It’s as if a good heart and hard work were just illusions in this world. By the time I realised I had lost my money, it was too late, and I came to the harsh realisation that all the work I had paid for now rested on my shoulders. For the first time, I took on tasks I knew nothing about, discovering new challenges each day. I was improving my technical skills and knowledge in many areas. When something truly matters to you, you do everything to make it work and fight to the last breath for what you believe in.
Sometimes, the loss can also be a gain if we are able to see it from this perspective. The book took four long years to write, during which I went through unimaginable hell on earth—something that knocks you to your knees, down to the very bottom, and you rise slowly. Bound to the ground, you strive to reach for the light. You ask me what I’ve learned during my work. I’m afraid there’s no straightforward answer, at least not the one you might want. Perhaps you’re curious about how I improved my English skills, the obstacles I had to overcome to publish the book or about my newly acquired skills in technology or graphic design. Unfortunately, I might disappoint you.
I am genuinely proud of all the skills I gained or honed while working on my book. What gives me a true sense of pride, however, is that I learned to believe again, to love, and above all, to live. I discovered the true value of freedom, which is priceless and should be dearer to a person than anything else.
- Anna Rajmon
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